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Redneck Mom's Letter
Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes. About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or girls so don???t know if you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down. Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.Love, Ma
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My Hair!
You can easily get a rise out of your friends by acting like you are going to put gum into their hair. All it takes is the thought of gum in their hair and the person will jerk to avoid you as if you
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Philosophy of Hypocrisy and Ambiguity
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor..... 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and ape
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Mental Deficiency
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and? his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she? asked,
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Funny Ethnic Jokes
Ethnic Joke 1 Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, “What do you want on y
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White Jokes
White Joke 01How did the white boy come out of the grocery store with a six pack? He walked in and payed for it.White Joke 02How do you stop five white guys from raping a white woman? Throw them a gol
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The Smuggler
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?""Sand," answered Juan.The guard sa
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Crazy English!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France
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Amish and the Fuzz!
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop."Ma'am," said the cop, "I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning
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Chinese Goer
A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go atit.When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, ta
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