Harry Potter: Financial Wizard

"It's not like that in the magical world, 'Arry," Hagrid said, voice  lowered in concern.
 "Y'see, when Vol...  well, when You-Know-Who  set up a trust deposit insurance scheme, 'e didn't account for rising  interest rates. 
And 'e didn't give codflakes about whether it would  influence currency issues abroad,
 or take into account nominal  seasonal fluctuations in the GNP as accounted for in Dumbledore's  rules.
  See, that's what makes him so evil, Harry;
by doin' this he  unpinned meaningful values from real estate an' just left 'em  floatin',
an' so the loss in equity was inevitable..."             
 *     *     *   
Harry's capitalization pool was starting to roll over.
 He knew there  was fallout risk.
 With a quick glance at Ron and Hermione he added a  short hedge of soft dollars and stirred in some FASB No. 8.
  But this  was a mistake; the market began churning, and his small-issues  exemption began to smoke.
 He started trying to write down the value  when he felt, rather than heard, Snape gliding up from behind.
  His  variance was harsher, less ironic, than usual.
 "So, Potter," he  sneered.  "_That's_ your solution?
 When someone takes a poison pill,  you can't always just shove a BARRA analysis down their throat, you  know. 
If this had been a volatile market you'd be in Azkaban for  having violated Glass-Steagall." Snape looked down his nose at him,
 his equity balanced.  "You're just like your father: arrogant,
 always  at unsystematic risk, overextended, overbought and underfinanced." 
  This was too much.  "My father was not overextended!" Harry shouted,  jumping from his stool, portfolio in hand...      
        *     *     *  
 "_Accio Jensen index!_" Harry cried, pointing his wand at the
  maintenance margin requirement. 
If he could just prevent Voldemort  from off-balance-sheeting a little longer,
 he knew Hermione would come  through with the EAMS differential disclosure.
 But Voldemort's equity  was powerful, even with Dumbledore's setting value date on the  Eurodollar;
 his random-walk didn't seem so random, and Harry was sure  that even with translation exposure he could paper over his losses.
  "_Autoregressive kedavra!_" Voldemort snarled with a sudden fiduciary. 
Harry leaped aside, nearly forced to sell at a dirty price. 
If he  hadn't set his global bonds to Market-if-touched he would have been  forced into liquidity... 

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