Funny Jokes >> Animal Jokes

    White With Black Stripes?

    Once there were two zebras. One zebra asked the other:
    "Am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"

    The other replied:
    "Ask God."

     

    Tags: White With Black Stripes  animal jokes  Funny Jokes  

    Installing a Carpet

    A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.

    In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

    ''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.

    As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.''

    ''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''
     

    Tags: Installing a Carpet  animal jokes  Funny Jokes  

    The Feline Diet

    Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!

    Tags: The Feline Diet  animal jokes  Funny Jokes  

    Horses at the Race

    A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, ''All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine.''

    The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

    Tags: Horses at the Race  animal jokes  

    This is one smart dog

    A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.

    "An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins.

    "You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.

    Tags: This is one smart dog  animal jokes  Funny Jokes  

    A dog walks into a butcher shop…

    A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse tied round his neck. He walks up to the meat counter and calmly sits there until it’s his turn to be served. A man, who is already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and notices the dog.

    ...

    Tags: A dog walks into a butcher shop  animal jokes  Funny Jokes  

    A Dangerous Job

    A guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book and sure enough finds an ad for “Gorilla Pest Control.” When he asks if they can remove the gorilla, the service guy asks, “Is it male or female?”

    “Male,” he replies.

    Tags: A Dangerous Job  animal jokes  Funny Jokes  

    I Can Tell This Job Sucks Already

    Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in? New employee: Yes, sir. Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

    Tags: I Can Tell This Job Sucks Already  

    I Can Tell This Job Sucks Already

    Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?

    New employee: Yes, sir.

    Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

    Tags: I Can Tell This Job Sucks Already  

    odd

    this woman goes down south and has a baby and the docter ask   what are you naming the baby,she said odd and the docter says odd yes o-d-d,   odd, he let her tell  the famiy said the docter,a few years later he is at   school playing and the are making fun of him ha ha your odd, your name is odd.

    Tags: odd  animal jokes  Funny Jokes