Funny Jokes >> Animal Jokes

    Horses at the Race

    A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, ''All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine.''

    The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

    Tags: Horses at the Race  animal jokes  

    This is one smart dog

    A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.

    "An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins.

    "You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.

    Tags: This is one smart dog  animal jokes  Funny Jokes  

    A dog walks into a butcher shop…

    A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse tied round his neck. He walks up to the meat counter and calmly sits there until it’s his turn to be served. A man, who is already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and notices the dog.

    ...

    Tags: A dog walks into a butcher shop  animal jokes  Funny Jokes  

    A Dangerous Job

    A guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book and sure enough finds an ad for “Gorilla Pest Control.” When he asks if they can remove the gorilla, the service guy asks, “Is it male or female?”

    “Male,” he replies.

    Tags: A Dangerous Job  animal jokes  Funny Jokes  

    I Can Tell This Job Sucks Already

    Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in? New employee: Yes, sir. Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

    Tags: I Can Tell This Job Sucks Already  

    I Can Tell This Job Sucks Already

    Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?

    New employee: Yes, sir.

    Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

    Tags: I Can Tell This Job Sucks Already  

    odd

    this woman goes down south and has a baby and the docter ask   what are you naming the baby,she said odd and the docter says odd yes o-d-d,   odd, he let her tell  the famiy said the docter,a few years later he is at   school playing and the are making fun of him ha ha your odd, your name is odd.

    Tags: odd  animal jokes  Funny Jokes  

    Dead horse

    Young Chuck moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next Day he drove up and said, "Sorry, Son, but I have some bad news, The horse died."

    Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."

    ...

    Tags: Dead horse  annimal jokes  funnyjokes  

    Harry in the First

    A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.

    The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

    Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was

    Tags: Harry in the First  animal jokes  Funny Jokes  

    Genius Dog

    A butcher is busy at work when notices a dog in his shop. He shoos the dog away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices that the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note which reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."

    The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth.

    Tags: Genius Dog  animal jokes  Funny Jokes