Funny Jokes >> 2009 July

    Stranger Than Fiction

    PHILLIPSBURG, NJ. An unidentified 29-year-old male choked to death on a sequined pastie he had orally removed from an exotic dancer at a local establishment. "I didn't think he was going to eat i

    Tags: Clean Jokes  Funny Jokes  

    Pray For Gifts

    Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

    "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
    ...

    Tags: Clean Jokes  Funny Jokes  

    Sex at 95

    On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather ha

    Tags: sex jokes  Funny Jokes  

    Scared Alligator

    One day, Gramma sent her grandson Peter down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. "Now, where's my bucket and my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" cried Peter. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there! "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Peter. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Peter, "If he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

    ...
    Tags: animal jokes  Funny Jokes  Scared Alligator  

    Not His Problem

    A psychologist is at a party talking with a small group of people, when a man comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. The psychologist turns around and the man hauls off and decks him. The p

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    Santa's Army

    A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. Pastor said,

    Tags: Clean Jokes  Funny Jokes  santa jokes  

    Language Problem

    A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talking abouta sexa? Imma justa tellun my frienda how to spella "Mississippi!"

    ...
    Tags: English jokes  Language Problem  

    Oceans Of Blondes

    This blonde was driving down an old country road when she spots a blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat. She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief she stands at th

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    Grand Delusions

    When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at

    Tags: Adult jokes  Funny Jokes  Grand Delusions  

    Heaven or Hell?

    This woman dies and goes to heaven. While waiting in line, she hears this terrible screaming and moaning. This disturbs her somewhat, so she tracks down St. Peter to find out what is going on. "O

    Tags: dead baby jokes  Funny Jokes