Funny Jokes >> 2008 August

    Say anything

    Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and Father, I can say anything I want to around the house.

    Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

     

    Tags: anything  short jokes  

    A small mistake

    The divorce court was attentive as the wealthy Yuppette complained to the Judge that her husband had left her bed and board.When she had finished, the husband's lawyer rose to his feet and coolly repl

    Tags: mistake  short jokes  

    Orgasmic Problems

    The husband, tired of a listless sex life came right out and asked his wife during a recent love-making session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm ?" She looked him rite in

    Tags: Orgasmic  gender jokes  

    Love thy Neighbor

    The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and i

    Tags: Love  thy Neighbor  best jokes  

    Saintly Naivete

    I've never been much on fashion, but got quite a few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore to work one day. My secretary asked me where I got it and I told her that it was a surprise from my wife.

    Tags: Saintly Naivete  short jokes  

    Birth of a Candy Bar

    It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Krunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?" Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like Pure Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold the Snicker and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!" Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, "Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff." I said "Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?" (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, you're better than the Three Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden...my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped...........Baby Ruth!

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    Tags: Candy Bar  funny quote  

    What Is Politics?

    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mo

    Tags: Politics  funny quote  

    Iran Joke

    "A retired Air Force colonel said that U.S. military operations are already under way in Iran. You know what that means, time to break out the old 'Mission Accomplished' banner." --Jay Leno

    "The president of Iran has announced, 'We are a nuclear country.' ... You know what's scary about that? The president of Iran knows how to pronounce nuclear." --David Letterman

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    Answers To Everything

    What's the best form of birth control after 50?NudityWhat's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?45 lbs.What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?45 minutes.What's the fastest

    Tags: gender jokes  everything  

    A Man And His Money

    There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money.

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    Tags: man  gender jokes