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Funny Jokes >> 2008 July

You'd Be Proud of Me

Dear Heavenly Father,I think you'd be proud of me! So far today I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, lusted, lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. Praise Y

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I´m Glad I'm a Woman

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam I don't brag to my buddies about my erections I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!
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Like Fine Wine

Woman's Quote of the Day:"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd lik

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God Talking to Adam and Eve

God was talking to Adam and Eve one day just before Creation. He asked, "Well, you two, I only have a couple more goodies left to hand out before my job is done.Which one of you wants to be able

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Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve

10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote.

8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would, therefore, need Eve to go get one for him.
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Men and Women Compared!

NICKNAMES: If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for a beer, they will affectionately r

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The Gender of Computers

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"
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What Men Really Mean

Men say = Men really mean

I'm hungry = I'm hungry.

I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.

I'm tired = I'm tired.

Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
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Male/Female Definitions

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. male: Pl

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The 5 Questions Most Feared by Men

The 5 questions most feared by men are: 1...What are you thinking about? 2...Do you love me? 3...Do I look fat? 4...Do you think she is prettier than me? 5...What would you do if I died?What makes the

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